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A Nuclear Family Revolution

Sat, 18 Apr 2026 13:23:41 GMT

Domesticity as a Trap and a Portal

We got got, folx. In a world where the nuclear family has kept many would-be revolutionaries at home, making snack plates and mowing lawns instead of picketing and involving themselves in local politics, what can be done? When work, body and house care and the routines that run the engine of your life keep you busy and distracted, is it hopeless? Should we consign ourselves to watching the world burn knowing at least we’ll have folded sheets?

Let me clarify my own base of operations in this world, as I find it’s easier to understand where someone is going if you know where they’re coming from. I present myself to you as an elder millennial, raised on the promise of success if I was just a good girl. I worked hard in school, climbed hierarchical ladders through nonprofits and settled down with an excellent man to make an incredible kid.

And I did all that knowing I was carrying out someone else’s design, but also personally invested in these activities. I genuinely wanted to help people and be a career success. I genuinely wanted to be seen, fully and authentically by another person and to build lives of meaning together. I genuinely wanted to use my own mistakes and painful trials to be the best mother I could. To break the cycles of harm and inherited darkness that so many children have been forced to walk through.

And it has only been in the last five or so years that I’ve realized how domesticity and being drawn into the trap of creating isolated family units hampers radical action. I can hardly risk standing in the front lines to protest ICE when my son relies on me for his basic needs. At points I was so dispirited by my situation that I consigned myself to making no difference in the world at all. Allowing myself to succumb to a cosmic victimhood from which there was no immediate escape.

Luckily, in that same span of time I’ve also become an astrologer. And in my years of studying charts and planetary potentials I have come to see my own contribution to society as decidedly more complex than traditional revolutionary actions. I was born with an Aries North Node in my 7 ^th house – my soul came here to forge a path of absolute authenticity within the confines of a committed relationship. To be truly myself even while prioritizing my connection to another. It is from this place that I write what follows.

The Scope of the Problem

The enormity of what lies before us – genocide and ethnic cleansing, rampant violence against women and children, eroding human rights, the prison-industrial complex as Slavery 2.0 and the Earth crumbling beneath our feet – is both real and intentionally overwhelming. You are meant to feel helpless and hopeless, because that combination is ripe for exploitation.

In fact, there are a million things you can do, today, for free, that will change the tide of what’s happening around the globe. What I’m about to suggest isn’t the end-all, be-all of potential actions one could take. There are much smarter, better-informed people with lists like that. But I am a mother, a Cancer sun, and a radical anarchist, and I am deeply invested in you feeling empowered, because I know in my marrow that as we stoke the fires that have dimmed in our bellies, our collective light will show the way forward.

You Are the Foundation

Even while we walk through the fiery end of Aries season, I would be remiss to exclude self-care from the conversation. And yes, as you’ve seen all over social media and in every other advice column, it’s a big deal. Listening for and tending to the needs of your body, mind, heart and soul is the foundation of everything else you will set out to accomplish. Want to help others by running a successful business? Harder if you’re sick all the time. Want to radicalize your neighborhood? A stressed-out revolutionary is usually less convincing.

We could write whole articles on the topic of taking care of yourself, but since this is about being radical within your family, I will leave it at this: Self-care will include the house Cancer rules in your chart, as well as the placement of your moon in your chart. Bonus points if you balance out the energy of your 12 ^th and 6 ^th houses, which are about mental and physical health, respectively.

How to Be a Family Radical

Ok, now that you’re healed up, well-rested and convinced of your own worth, let’s discuss the meat of this article: how to seed radical anarchism into your home.

First, find your IC/MC line – the cusps that define your 4 ^th and 10 ^th houses. Those energies, whichever signs rule those houses in your natal chart – will give you insight into your own style for balancing your inner foundations and outer expressions. Balance is key to any practice, because your unique blend along this polarity will be the fuel for your anarchist fire. Below is a quick summary of the six potentials:

Aries/Libra – You are balancing an expression of will with a desire to remain in connection. Allow yourself to embody your own desires and impulses when in connection with others, and conversely, allow trusted others to influence your strategy.

Taurus/Scorpio – You are balancing the need for rest, physical well-being and staying true to your values with the need to root out the darkness hidden beneath the surface to achieve emotional well-being. Balancing intense truths with steady action is key.

Gemini/Sagittarius – Curiosity, communication and cognitive flexibility must be balanced with turning information into action, living your truth and forging your own path. Knowledge becomes wisdom in the body, which in turn fuels your next research rabbit hole.

Cancer/Capricorn – Nurturing, inward reflection and lineage work must balance with the desire for mastery, leaving your mark and creating systems that last. Allowing yourself to feel without analysis will fuel your climb to the top of whichever mountain is yours.

Leo/Aquarius – Courageous personal expression balances with innovative community service. What must you bravely express to feel alive, and what unique vision of collective power will you experiment with?

Virgo/Pisces – Practical routines and adaptable processes must balance with free flowing and intuitive being. While Virgo’s service ethic imbues it with powers of planning and implementation, Pisces soul sight shows it that everything is happening in divine orchestration already, when you zoom out.

Got it? Good. Because balancing your inner foundations (4 ^th house, family) with your lasting imprint on the outer world (10 ^th house, public work) will keep you fresh and available to try new things. Being radical – getting to the root of existing systems and ideas – takes energy. But, as you watch it change your world, I find it also gives back a great deal of energy.

Roles (i.e. Spouse v Spouse)

One of the most persnickety thickets of patriarchy lives within the roles we define at home. This is especially true for heterosexual couples, where often these roles come prepackaged in cellophane. Roles can include Provider and Caregiver, Homemaker and Financier, The One Who Makes Time for Inner Growth and The One Who Does Not. Whatever your defined roles are in the home, ask yourself some questions:

1. What has my experience of this role been? Is it fulfilling? Compulsory? Deadening? Exciting?

2. Does my partner know my experience? Does sharing my experience of this role feel connective, like we’re learning more about each other, or does it feel frightening or antagonizing?

3. Do I know my partners’ experience of their roles? Do they define their roles the way I would? When we compare notes, would we be on the same page, or offering wildly different perspectives on how things run here?

4. Are there areas of life, roles and sets of duties that go untouched? Things I wish someone was in charge of, but no one has the time or energy?

5. Do I engage with the roles I play at home consciously, or are they more like grooves worn in a dirt road – a path of going through the motions?

Patriarchy is winning the day when we assume roles we never asked for, and when we carry them out without discussion or inquiry. We cannot choose all our roles in a family, often. Particularly if there are dependents involved that require certain things from us. But we can engage with them consciously, we can discuss them with our partner, we can pull out the individual responsibilities and reassign them, redefine them, revise them.

Living with resentment or carrying the weight of roles that should be shared (particularly as it relates to invisible labor and emotional labor) will keep your anarchist fire dim. There is nothing anti-revolutionary about having a warm, loving home life. In a world where gendered roles are designed to keep us at odds within our marriage and the unpaid labor of raising children is meant to keep us yelling at our kids, having a safe, compassionate space for your family is absolutely radical.

Parent v Child

Rampant violence against children is not new. Our preference for intellectual superiority and the isolating push for individuality above collective makes children seem both stupid and burdensome. It was only in the 1980s that the medical community realized that babies can feel pain – prior to that they didn’t even bother to anesthetize them before performing surgery. Our ability to devalue and debase children has a long, storied history.

And beyond that, the fact that late-stage capitalism keeps us all tired, overburdened and lacking the basic necessities of survival ensures that coming home to someone who needs yet more from you seems outrageous. Particularly when those needs are primarily emotional and connection-based, in a society that dismisses feelings and mocks vulnerable intimacy.

All of this rolled together creates a cocktail for epic battles at home between exasperated parents and hurting kids. If you feel disconnected from your kids, some questions to explore:

1. When was the last time I truly listened to my kid(s)? Do I feel I genuinely understand their daily, lived experience? When I listen, do I leave open the possibility that I will be changed by what I hear?

2. How do I relate to being a parent? Does it feel like a divine assignment or a cosmic joke? Do I carry shame, fear or anxiety related to this role? Where do those feelings come from in me? Does it feel like karma, my own childhood, or societal norms?

3. What are my largest visions, my hopes and dreams for my relationship with my kids? Do I live into that vision? Is it clear to me what steps someone would take to live into that vision? If not, can I tease out the values and priorities of someone who lives that way?

4. What do my children most need from me? Do I take time to honor those needs in whatever ways are available to me? Does honoring their needs create intense emotional resistance in me?

5. If intense emotions arise with regards to parenting, do I have a friend, therapist, or wisdom figure I can talk to about them? Do I give myself space to witness and compassionately embrace my own fears and flaws?

The Big Picture

In essence, being a radical within the confines of a nuclear family comes down to:

1. Dropping any performance of roles or expectations. Engaging consciously with your own actions and responsibilities is key to living authentically and creating the possibility for a radical revision of the usual family contract.

2. Loving yourself enough to witness your shortcomings, needs and desires. Ideally, having trusted loved ones and community members you can share them with keeps shame from festering in the darkness.

3. Being vulnerable and authentic in your closest relationships – those with your spouse, your parents, your best friends. The fabric of the universe is love. When we relate nakedly to one another, we are trusting and expanding that love, and that is the revolution.

4. Questioning any knee-jerk hierarchical responses at home AND in the world. Naming the power dynamics at play with your boss, your spouse, your children. Turning them over and analyzing them against your own inner knowing. You may have more experience than your children, more literal knowledge, but translating that into wisdom is about recognizing the divinity in everyone. We do not have the right to speak down to anyone, nor do they have the right to speak down to us. Holy relationships based on notions of equity and belonging are key.

So in summary, no, you do not need to leave your family and forego the comforts of domesticity to change the world. Every word spoken to yourself and another, every examination of power, scripted roles and assumed superiority changes the game. In fact, if we are to change the world, we need to start where we are. And where we are includes a lot of mothers and fathers, children and caregivers who can change everything about their daily lives simply by living them more authentically and lovingly.

Horror as Relief

Sat, 21 Mar 2026 15:11:17 GMT

The genre that says the quiet part outloud

Horror tends to be one of those polarizing things. You can love it or loathe it, but I’ve only met a handful of people who react neutrally to the concept. When you ask someone, “Do you like horror?” you’ve either just met a new best friend or you’ve truly disappointed someone, who will go on to tell you the negative things that happen when you consume fear recreationally.

Perhaps it’s my Scorpio Pluto in the first house, or having two Gemini wounds in the 8 ^th , but horror, to me, has always seemed like clarity. A genre that embraces the existential dread of life on Earth without pandering or whitewashing. A genre that has subgenres to reflect the different fears that afflict us based on our lived experience – feminist horror, black horror, white horror. Or you can subgenre by source of dread – psychological horror, body horror, slasher, monster movie.

One of my earliest realizations was that there was a profound lack of safety on Earth. I remember the first time I was spanked, the first time I was yelled at, the first time my father swore at me, the first time I was threatened to behave or else. These moments landed loudly in my psyche, constantly inviting the inquiry, if I’m not safe with my parents/teachers/caregivers, who seem like the only ones in charge of my well-being, then where am I safe?

Obviously, this inquiry can’t stay at the forefront of a child’s conscious mind, because it would incapacitate you. So, I kept busy – hiking through the woods, playing in the creek or reading books in a neverending stream like a chain smoker going for a world record.

But the horror didn’t stay out. It kept creeping in. Because as I got older and spent time at friend’s houses I learned other things quickly. At April’s* house we had to hide from her dad when he came home late smelling of liquor. At Jaden’s* house food was a precious resource and snacking would be punished. At Grace’s* house you steered clear of the pill bottles and her mother.

I felt so fucking helpless. In my own life, and in my friend’s lives. I tried to tell my parents what I was seeing and the concerns I had but they told me that was none of their business. It seemed that everyone’s home was a fiefdom, and even when you visited you were to leave them as you found them, unchanged and unremarked upon. Years in, I would come to question whether my reactions were hysterical, whether I could see things clearly or make sense of things (ah, those Gemini wounds creep up again).

If I was consistently freaked out by what I was seeing and experiencing, but no one else even wanted to talk about it, was I the crazy one? This was less a conscious inquiry and more of a lived knowing to keep my thoughts and inquiries to myself, with my only community support coming in the form of psychological horror: A genre that explores the unreliable narrator, unintended self-harm and the torment of not being able to trust your own sense of reality. I felt so seen watching those movies, and even as my taste for horror expanded, they were the only ones that could truly get under my skin. Had I become the crazed person brandishing a knife while telling a group of unarmed strangers to put down their weapons? The cognitive dissonance of what I felt I knew and what others were willing to confirm was loud enough to haunt me.

I’ve often assumed this was why marginalized people – women, BIPOC, queer, disabled – tend to be the primary audience for such films. Marginalization is a profoundly clarifying experience, because when you’re pushed out of the narrative you can examine it from a distance. Suddenly the patterns reveal themselves, and what’s been seen cannot be unseen.

There have been quite a few times though, in the last decade especially, where I cannot stomach my favorite genre. When the real world is screaming so loudly that to add more terror into my nervous system would be catastrophic. Times when I consume romance or fantasy or just forego screens and remember what it’s like to watch the wind kick up leaves. It happened when Trump won his first term, for a period after my son was born, when Roe v Wade was overturned, and again more recently.

Sometimes there’s enough clarity without hyper fixating on the pain.

But I always find my way back. Drawn by the creeps, the chills, even the aesthetic. It feels familiar and refreshing to let the scary parts have the spotlight, shake off the feeling of complacency from everyday life and watch shit truly hit the fan. Like ah, yes, I knew I wasn’t alone in this feeling. This person has been there, they’ve felt what I’ve felt, and they turned it into art. What a gift.

*Names changed

Chicken or the Egg?

Fri, 13 Mar 2026 11:03:33 GMT

A philosophical orientation to the zodiac

Sometimes I am still absolutely gobsmacked by the way the zodiac can distill a complex issue and show me where I’m misunderstanding the rules of engagement. I came to astrology for self-diagnosis. I was incredibly overworked, a new mom and while I’d always been a spiritual thinker, I didn’t have any rituals or routine engagement with spirit beyond an on-again off-again meditation practice.

The zodiacal wheel that is absolutely perplexing the first time you see it ultimately became a compass through which I could understand larger than life concepts. I came for the fractal self but left with a philosophical orientation to myself and others.

The lesson that has been top of mind lately has been on origins, and the classic koan: which came first, the chicken or the egg? Here’s what the zodiac would say:

Both.

Ha! Here’s what I mean. In the traditional wheel, were you to pull the chart for yourself, an event or a nationstate, the orientation that you’re bouncing everything off of is that Aries rules the first house, the one on the left center of the wheel, also known as the Ascendant or rising sign. So, when you pull a chart and their rising sign is Gemini, my interpretation is always reflecting off this prototype orientation, and how those energies lining up differently (i.e. Gemini and not Aries energy in the house of self, appearance and embarking) will completely change the psychology of the person/event/being.

But that’s not the only orientation of the wheel throughout astrological history. There is also the Thema Mundi (World Theme), a wheel that begins not with Aries, baby, first spark and warrior, but with Cancer, divine nurturer and mother. In this orientation, it is not the egg that begins all life, but the chicken. It also reorients our sense of “beginnings” from harsh and stark to soft and cradled.

But oh, there’s more. You see in the chart as we see it today – Aries ruling the first house – we STILL see the chicken (Cancer…Jesus gods I hope you all are following this analogy) in charge of our true origin story. How so? Because in the traditional wheel with Aries ruling the first, Cancer rules the fourth, the house that begins with our Imum Coeli (IC), and is essentially the foundation of your existence. Whatever energy you have as your IC tells you where you began before you existed. Your familial legacy, epigenetics and soul lineage. So yes, Aries is the soul emerging onto life’s 3D plane, but Cancer (mama, chicken, source point) is how you truly GOT here.

When I think of this, I am always reminded of the phrase, “We stand on the shoulders of giants” because however much you credit yourself with your life’s work, none of us have truly ever accomplished anything on our own. How could we? We are a thrashing, thriving network of life, literally inseparable from one another beyond the illusions of defined bodies.

So then, what on earth would the Thema Mundi chart say about our origins? What energy would a Cancer rising chart place on our IC, our origin-before-we-existed. Libra. This tickles me PINK ya’ll, because the notion that when you reorient the zodiac to put the Mother as the starting place of all life, you get the sign of SELF in relationship to OTHER as the origin before origins…I mean that’s juicy AF.

In that orientation, we emerge as cradled and nurtured beings (Cancer) with a foundation in RELATIONSHIPS (Libra). And this chart, Thema Mundi, is often related as the chart of our planet, Earth. An ancient zodiacal reference to the notion of Mother Earth.

What does this mean for us as individual beings, navigating an increasingly harsh landscape? It means leading with care will ground us in the true nature of reality, which is relational. I MEAN IN YOUR MIND FUCKING BLOWN? Mine is, but perhaps I’m biased.

So then, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, and both. Was the big bang/universal consciousness/beginning of the Mystery School more like a fully formed being or more like the spark of what could be? I think science is revealing that again, both are really the answer. As quantum mechanics continues to express, while we only perceive a portion of reality, in truth, everything is here, just vibrating on frequencies we’ve not equipped ourselves to perceive. So perhaps we are all the egg, looking for the chicken, not realizing she is truly all around us.

And regardless of the answer, astrology fucking rules.

Big love <3

My Unfashionable Existence

Sat, 15 Nov 2025 16:12:52 GMT

On the prevention of soul death

I’ve yet to come down from the incredible magic and insight and wonder that filled the pages of Philip Pullman’s Book of Dust trilogy since finishing The Rose Field last night. Beyond offering a scathing look at religious oppression and the cruelty of fascism, it offered incredible links between creativity, imagination and the soul.

In another world beyond the protagonists own they come to find that daemons, an externalized soul that takes the shape of an animal, are being purposefully ignored and even punished or allowed to die to keep up with the more fashionable reality taking hold that centers on money, productivity and the clean logic of transactions. This deadening world reveals money as the alkahest, a mythical universal solvent that can dissolve all bonds, including those of us to our own souls, our own humanity.

We live in a world that is fashionably ignorant. Information abounds, false, misleading and true, but beyond that noise there are incredible silences around what truly matters: Why don’t we remember how to take care of each other anymore? When did we forget that cherishing life is our birthright and gift as stewards of this abundant planet? When did we agree that scarcity was a reality to be reckoned with, rather than an illusion to be dismantled?

It is fashionable to be skeptical. To subdue inner knowing, to ignore and chastise wisdom achieved outside of charts and studies. It is fashionable to get a real job, to scrape away at a smaller and smaller portion of something vast, to limit yourself to early morning meetings, diet crazes and holiday stress. It is fashionable to be half alive and to proclaim loudly the cruelty therein without examining the incredibly vast patterns inviting, rehearsing and encouraging the painful conditions of life on Earth today.

And my gift was not being smarter, but getting sicker faster than most as I did those same things. The gift God gave me was a constitution unfit for pretending away the existence of love as the invisible binding of all creation and the spirits of the animals and plants that would communicate to me in a language all their own. A constitution that protested wildly through innumerable stomach illnesses, sleep paralysis, mobility issues and an early forgetting of why I was forced to be alive at all.

I have feared being loud about my knowings – that sickness is not a necessity but a sign, that forgiveness really can heal the deepest wounds in each of us and in society – because its easy for critics to claim I’m naïve, crazy or profoundly stupid. I fear being hurt or worse because I’m not convenient or appeasing. But that too, is my own half-seeing. I cannot forget that we call events to us that allow us to deepen our path, and to expand to our full potential. And I need to remember to create knowing there’s love out there to receive it, without editing, without fear.

I painfully and deliberately undermined my own sense of who I am and what I believe for decades in order to achieve something like a reasonable life. One that people could understand and wouldn’t draw too much attention. Beyond that I wanted to be respected, to be admired, and to share the wisdom of my path with those who could use it most.

But I can’t hide and teach. I can’t profess freedom while living confinement. So here I am, stating loudly and boldly that I believe in magic, I know we can heal ourselves and this planet, and that the earthly plane we can see and taste and touch is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what reality is really made of.

May the truth set us free.

You were meant to be.

Wed, 12 Nov 2025 15:51:48 GMT

On how astrology re-members us.

I use astrology to help people who don’t know themselves come back home. You can do anything from home. Home being your body, your authenticity, your energetic throughline. You can create your masterpiece, your life’s work, your soul nourishing journey and you can undermine fascism and lifelessness and oppression. You truly can do it all. In the exact balance that is right for you, and the exact balance the world needs added to the scales.

You were meant to be here. And I use astrology to tell that story.

I had dismembered myself from a young age. My masks were many and vast in scope. The analogy that has stayed with me is that I once was a beautiful castle, and brick by brick I used that castle to build a wall around me. And by the time the wall was complete, the castle was gone, and I was no one, a nothing, within a cage of my own design. And yes, the 8 of Swords and I are well-acquainted, thank you.

Astrology, slowly and diligently helped me identify pockets of energy within myself. Places I’d long repressed (hello 10 ^th house Leo stellium) parts I was ashamed of (bonjour cancer sun) and parts that made me feel like I was fucked (Libra south node in the 1 ^st , I’m looking at you.) It wasn’t all bad. I was quite excited about the Leo placements, my Jupiter in Pisces and Scorpio Pluto in the 1 ^st .

The bag was mixed, to be sure, but because I had language to put to it (Oh, people pleasing is how I present myself ala my Libra rising), it suddenly wasn’t my fucked-upedness, it was an energetic pattern present in my design alongside millions of others. It wasn’t personal or evil, it was like a flavor that got mixed in to my ice cream sundae. And my basic knowing has always been that we are inherently delicious.

Yes, I’m mouthy. And I interrupt. ESPECIALLY if I have something funny to say. Yes I’m paranoid about relationships and loyalty and being burdened inordinately with the needs and expectations of others. Yes I’d rather dance and make incredible food and read books than work for a living. Yes, I believe that we should all be free, treated with dignity and loved into flourishing. And that’s all there, in my chart. Pieces long forgotten and ill-received, right alongside things I cherish about myself deeply.

And seeing them all, through this observers lens where again, this isn’t MY unique brokenness, but rather an understood and identifiable pattern of experiences and responses, an energy blueprint or archetype, was so healing. Sometimes it was absolutely gutting. Do not misunderstand. I didn’t skip through the tulips on this journey. I once threw an astrology book that had the AUDACITY to tell me that I’m afraid people with think I’m stupid because I have my Chiron in Gemini. And when my best friend revealed that I had Cancer MC (medium coli, 10 ^th house cusp), I raged and cried and felt betrayed. Betrayed by my own beingness.

And yet, I’m not the only person with a Cancer MC. And it’s not written of as a death sentence. And so again, I’d be able to peel back and find a space between this identity of someone who was just fundamentally built wrong, even if it took me months or years to truly relax into the knowing.

I painstakingly analyzed my own chart, celebrity charts, friends and family charts and now client charts to show them on the wheel exactly how incredible they are. And that has to include their wounds because wow, you’re this amazing AND you went through that? Phenomenal. May your name ring out from a chorus of angels. Your ancestors are so proud of you. Thank you for being here with us in this time, in this place. I am honored.

That is how I practice astrology. It is a holy-making practice, and thus it invites wholeness.

A Natal Chart Reading? In THIS Economy?!

Tue, 04 Nov 2025 18:34:14 GMT

On self-knowledge as a bridge to love

What’s the point of getting a natal chart reading? The world is falling apart, we may all be doomed, and prices are high. So why on EARTH would someone look to the stars for answers?!

Well, as is the way with such things, you certainly do not have to, gentle reader. No one could fault you for identifying your own priorities, your own way of navigating through life’s terrain. And admittedly, scanning the heavens for answers can seem futile in the face of systemic issues and (seemingly) intractable problems.

I’ve always been drawn to practical solutions that embrace rather than deny the existence of magic. For me, magic is a foundational part of life that includes the spiritual, the scientific, and everything in between. And we do best when we combine the lower case truths of daily life with the upper case Truth of Something Larger Than Our Ability to Perceive.

Astrology threads that needle for me because it allows for both self-knowledge (natal chart readings) and cosmic pattern analysis (mundane astrology). An astrological reading of your birth chart will touch on every area of your life (the 12 houses) all the major psychological drivers (the celestial bodies) and the various polarities that shape us (the 12 signs).

So, can astrology save the world? Definitely not. But people who use astrology can. Self-knowledge begins a process of self-trust that blooms into self-love. And a bunch of empowered beings who love themselves and through that transformation are able to lay down notions of scarcity, violence and separation can absolutely define a path forward that lifts all of us up. No exceptions.

A personal anecdote: When I first began to explore astrology, I was skeptical and in a state of deep self-loathing. OCD, undiagnosed neurospice and an ever-evolving list of physical ailments consumed my perspective, and made life a living hell. When I discovered that I was a Cancer sun, and then not only that, but a Cancer MC, I was so angry I cried. All I wanted to break out of the cycle of hopelessness I felt trapped in was to be powerful, financially abundant and FREE.

And here was this system of star maps telling me that my core nature was one of caretaking and nurturing. The Mother, in a world that reviles the feminine. Not only didn’t I feel like a nurturing presence to myself, but I was struggling to become one with my young son. Being a mom felt like a series of daily failures in a high stakes environment, and yet I am to believe that providing a container of safety and belonging are among my gifts, and that I am to express them out into the world. What a joke.

It would be years of working with astrology, tracking my patterns, relating my journal entries and struggles to these guiding lights before I could sink my teeth in deeply and love this reflection of my spirits full potential. I hung around because other parts of my chart revealed aspects of myself I’d hidden or repressed so deeply that reading about them was like reading my diary written by someone else’s hand.

And yet that journey of self-acceptance taught me so much. With all my self-hatred and denial, of course my very core would seem vile and useless. And now, when clients come in and they tell me that they completely don’t resonate with a piece of their chart, I understand and deeply empathize. And perhaps that part of their chart was their own repression, or its overshadowed by another piece of their chart, or the energy is there in ways they never thought to explore.

Natal chart readings, after all, aren’t just a dive under the hood of who you are – they are also a zen koan, a poem, a writing prompt for your soul. Your response to them is as much a part of the reading as the information itself. And having explored hated, repressed and misunderstood parts of myself in great detail, I feel well equipped to help others do the same.

And knowing yourself isn’t a destination. It’s an ever evolving journey – which the skies well know. There’s secondary progressed charts for deepening your understanding of who you are today with all your lived wisdom, solar return charts for getting instructions for the year ahead, and then of course the ever changing night sky, which is having a constantly shifting conversation with all your charts. Astrology does not trap you into a type and then tell you to stay there. Astrology embraces cycles, change and dynamism. Just as we are asked to do, if we’re to create love and beauty in the path ahead.

I would recommend a natal chart reading to anyone who enjoys patterns and archetypes. Who loves stories and myths and understands the truths they imbue. For anyone who feels disconnected from their power and unclear on who they are when no one is looking. And my place in all that? Well I am the nurturer, the loving container, the mother who cherishes all of you, not just the societally acceptable bits. It is the great pleasure of my existence to walk hand in hand with people who feel scared, alone and in need of comfort.

I am a Cancer, after all.

Original Sin

Tue, 25 Mar 2025 14:33:19 GMT

Perfect. As is.

One of the most tired tropes of western religious culture is original sin. In positing that at the very moment we begin life, we are already broken, already in need of a savior, we have denied the reality of who and what we are. In psychological terms, we have created an every present “external locus of control.”

Your locus of control is the degree to which you feel you’re the author of your own story. The master of your fate. When salvation rests on an external being, place or thing, there is hardly any point in changing your habits, choosing a life defined by your values or building a life worth living. After all, it’s really up to that job, God, miracle drug, financial windfall to fix you. What’s the point in trying?

When we believe we’re fundamentally broken, our entire operating system exists to repair the damage. We spend our lives outrunning or fighting every obstacle, every pain, every reminder that we’re not good enough, we’re not loved, and we’ll never amount to anything.

When I came to astrology in 2020 I was a new mom at a new job living into a brand new life. To say nothing of living through COVID. I was burnt out, unsure of myself and desperate to get it right because once my baby boy arrived, the stakes became infinitely higher. Astrology, this magical decoder ring for how amazing we all are seemed like a gift from God. A way to see inside without needing to use the lens of brokenness I applied every time I tried to understand myself more clearly.

With astrology I wasn’t too much, I have a Leo stellium. I wasn’t reserved in new company, I was a cancer sun, nurturing, cautious, protective. I wasn’t a workaholic, I was destined to find the right relationship with my career so I could finally balance home and external life in a way that filled me with joy. Astrology had this way of taking the parts of me I was ashamed of, scared of, and trying to get rid of by any means necessary and making them into golden promises of a full life.

This glorious alchemy that seemed to sweep up my tired, broken parts and lovingly piece them together into something beautiful was too good to be true. And yet, as I read charts for those I loved, they found the same thing. Salvation wasn’t outside of us at all. We were never broken. We were carefully designed, deeply loved, and absolutely whole.

My obsession with astrology came from this deep longing to hold a mirror up to every individual, every being, and show them the reality of their own glorious reflection. The truth of who they really are. It’s what drives me to continue studying astrology today. To know that within the dance of planets and stars there is a conversation being had about our destinies, our light, our incredibly potent desires.

I want my love for astrology and for all living beings to energize the world. Everything you’ve ever needed, ever wanted is within you. And while I will always love astrology for showing me that, you don’t need to know astrology to pursue this truth with all of you. Even 5 minutes a day of viewing yourself through the eyes of the most loving, forgiving, radiant being you can imagine will start to shift your perspective. Try it out. Let yourself be loved exactly as you are. Because I promise, that’s what the cosmos wants you to know. You are loved. You are love. There is nothing to fix. You are perfect and whole.

A World Made New

Thu, 23 Jan 2025 17:03:22 GMT

On breaking out of a pre-ordained life and the journey to freedom

Freedom is a foundational principle of aliveness. The ability to prioritize what matters most and base that decision on your internal knowing is a beautiful and evolutionary gift. If your stomach hurts, the ability to rest. If your mother needs help, the ability to go to her. If your faith is shaken, the ability to seek comfort in friends or family.

Problems always have solutions embedded. If you are hungry, the solution of eating is apparent. If you are scared, finding safety is obvious. If you are unwell, taking time to regain your sense of health and wellbeing is a no brainer.

In the optional, manmade world we find ourselves in today, the vast majority of beings do not have the freedom to take these self-evident measures toward wholeness, happiness and belonging. Many have to instead prioritize artificial needs like producing income, regardless of their health, the well-being of their family or community or their best instincts for what they and the world most need.

I became profoundly disconnected from my body and spirit in the workforce. I intentionally channeled my efforts into nonprofit work in the hopes of remaining as lodged in my soul knowing as possible, but it wasn’t enough. Nonprofit work is demanding, both physically and emotionally, as most organizations are continuously understaffed, on a shoe-string budget and always trying to do more with less to serve the mission. I realize now that there are many parallels to this in the for-profit world, with people working longer hours for less pay, less benefits and fewer vacation days.

What you are teaching your body and soul through the ceaseless externally enforced prioritization of manmade money over basic needs is that you cannot be trusted with your own well-being. You do not know best. Your stomach may hurt, but that is minor compared to the potential of losing your home, not having money for gas to go to work or being unable to afford a life-saving medication. We’ve created a system designed to put people into survival mode, and that’s not even touching on the many additional injustices and forms of oppression layered within.

It is not hopeless. You still know what’s best. Your body, your soul are still speaking to you. In fact, if you’ve ignored them long enough chances are they are crying out. So what can we do to turn the tide, and begin to move ourselves and this world toward a freedom that will allow us to embody love, dignity and joy?

The lowest cost, most attainable form of developing deeper awareness is journaling. You can pick up a journal with prompts, decide yourself that you’ll write the same few facets of your life down each day or completely wing it and write what feels good. Daily journaling will allow you to build up a record of who you are, what you’re experiencing, and how it’s influencing you over time.

It sounds so small, but this is a huge step forward in consciousness work. And being conscious – aware of yourself rather than running on autopilot – means that you are on the fast track toward healing, growth and self-love. Because once you make an issue, an idea, a thought loop conscious, it can no longer operate from the shadows and secretly control your life. Eventually, your frustration with repetitive problems will give you the energy, the strength, to move forward into new paths.

A second strategy, no-cost and absolutely life changing, is meditation. I recommend starting with one minute daily and every week adding one minute until you land at 15. 15 minutes of meditation a day, one minute of meditation a day, may seem like nothing. How is one minute of mindful breathing or listening to ambient sounds or enjoying a sound bath going to pay your overdue bills, help you raise your kids or end a longstanding tension with a narcissistic lover?

Because when you no longer identify with the thoughts and feelings of the person who is experiencing those things – when you let yourself be the beautiful, godly, aware container, you have just created the conditions for change. Being able to see thoughts arise, or have feelings bubble up and choose to focus on something else instead (tips for meditation below) makes you the master of your ship instead of the passenger of a life gone awry.

Breathing meditation where you focus on the inhale and exhale is the most common starter meditation. When I first began meditating, this format threw me into panic attacks because I had been dissociated long enough that entering my body, even to just focus on my lungs or throat or nose was horrifying. I was heading straight into the monster pit and I couldn’t do it.

So, if breath meditation is available to you, fantastic. If not, I highly recommend listening to ambient noises. Letting the sounds of cars driving by, birds chirping, dogs barking, wind blowing come and then following it until it’s gone. If that’s too unsteady and you need more rhythm and predictability to get started, Solfeggio tones are a great soundtrack you can focus on.

Mind too busy for those techniques? Many different mantras or chants are helpful to keep you focused while you perform your meditation. You can find many examples online, or you can just choose a word or phrase that feels good, inspiring, loving, and repeat it. I’ve even just repeated “God,” or “love.”

The goal isn’t to have a clear mind or to be free of all intrusive emotions. The goal is that when those things come up, because they will, to remember that you had a chosen focus before you started. The most important thing isn’t staying with that focus, it’s having the willingness to return to it, over and over again, when you lose it. What you’re proving to yourself and your nervous system is that you can focus on something on purpose, even when other things fight for your attention. When you can do that, you are creating a foundation of reliability and trust within yourself. You’d be amazed how far you can get in life when you know you can trust yourself.

My vision for the world is one where we can truly be guided by our inner light. And whether that light leads us to making shoes for people, healing, caretaking or working in nature, I believe we should be able to follow those lights and sustain our life forces in that pursuit. A life free of imaginary goals (money), where our very survival isn’t determined by luck or our ability to navigate oppressive regimes. When we can truly encounter this earth and each other as ourselves, the beauty and light of the world will shine so bright, we’ll know what is meant by Heaven on earth.

Expertise in Your Birth Chart

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 18:15:09 GMT

You know so much already

When it comes to developing a particular expertise in your lifetime, there's some quick and easy analysis you can perform on your birth chart to determine where yours lies and may improve over the course of your life.

First, as an evolutionary astrology, it's my belief that we are given the charts we come in with not because we're experts in those energies, but because we're here to integrate and learn them. You are growing INTO your sun, you don't arrive with those skills, traits and that wisdom. Which, brings me to the first place you can look for personal expertise:

You will have an innate understanding of any element you lack in your birth chart. Low on fire? You came in with the spark of life, creative bursts, and an understanding of how to assign your will to what matters most. Low in earth? You've got the fortitude, stamina and grounding to complete tasks, move toward what you love and stay present. Low in air? Analysis, connecting disparate ideas and communication may be natural skills sets for you. Low in water? Intuition, emotional processing and transformation are gifts you arrived with.
Wherever your south node is in your birth chart, you have a PhD level of knowledge in that sign and house. Locate your south node by finding your north node and tracing a line directly opposite it on your chart. If the south node is symbolized, it will look like an upside down horse shoe. This energy is a comfort zone, so you're meant to grow out of it toward your north node in this lifetime, but that's not to say that you can't embrace and relish in the gifts it's given. Maybe it's not your future, but it has been your past (quite literally, it represents karmic inheritance), and you may as well use what it's taught you in this lifetime.
Locate your Mercury. This is something you will grow and develop during your lifetime, so if you're in your twenties or younger, perhaps your Mercury sign and house don't feel like places where you have an edge, intellectually. However, given time, this will naturally pick up steam because Mercury not only rules external communication, but learning processes and your internal dialogue. Where you find Mercury you will find the place your mind keeps wandering day in and day out. Come to love it, and let yourself shine.
If you have Pluto aspects to your Mercury, you will be able to find more depth and nuanced understanding of topics. Pluto lends a skill for getting underneath what's comfortable and accepted into the dark, taboo sides of things.
If you have Saturn aspects to your Mercury, you will be pushed further, to do more and do better. Saturn expects diligence, thoughtfulness, and a foolproof approach. With aspects between Saturn and Mercury you can expect that you're going to be thorough in how you approach learning, and what information you feel competent enough to share.
And finally, as Mercury rules both Gemini and Virgo, wherever these lie in your chart you will find you learn and adapt quickly. Gemini will lend itself to easy acquisition of knowledge, an edge for technology and the ability to communicate ideas in ways people can understand. Virgo will lend itself to integration, process development and a knack for organizing information and tools so that they can be put to their greatest effect.

Enjoy your areas of wisdom, and develop them throughout your life. You'll find much satisfaction in the process!

Glow in the Dark Hearts

Sat, 23 Nov 2024 12:46:35 GMT

Enlightenment is already here

We are all lights in the infinite expanse. And what I find so sacred and holy about dark seasons, fall bleeding into winter, the sun ebbing away, is that we must reckon with where light really comes from. What is light, when our sun is otherwise occupied?

Enlightenment, clear knowledge of yourself and what is beyond yourself, is an uncovering. You are already enlightened, but cannot operate from that place while trauma, old belief systems, daily pain and suffering cloud your vision. Like a beautiful crystal covered in dirt, your light can only shine weakly from you until you’ve done the clarifying work of unbecoming. Shedding layers of dense meaning, performative personality traits and often past life karma.

I believe the light in us, our full potential, is made clearest as winter beckons. The truest light of the season is to be found within each other, in our hearts. It becomes more difficult to spend our time ceaselessly engaged in activities during these dim months, the call of inner warmth, the sanctum of home and hearth becoming loud. And as we nestle in with those we love, where are we to seek light but within those bonds? Doesn’t that time shine in a way no other time does?

Light is your birthright. Scientifically your body processes light and can process more as you remove the densities within.

If you are called to enlightenment. If you seek to know deeper truths, to see more clearly what is real and what is just an illusion. If some real part of you knows that there has to be more to life than what we’ve been given, this is my challenge to you. Use the darkness of the seasons to bring more light to yourself and to those you love. Love more freely. Use gentle touch, snuggle under a blanket and really lean into the warmth of another being. Let your inner light guide you to the light of another, and embrace. Everything is gained and nothing is lost when we give love away freely.

In the northern hemisphere we are heading into increasing darkness, and I can feel myself developing a special glow. A guiding light for wayward souls, and those who would fear that darkness means some inevitable end. I am here to tell you there are only perceived endings, and that everything is an invitation to begin again. Let’s begin with love this winter, share our hearts and homes, and be guided by something deeper than our minds.

It is with love you call to one another, your brothers and sisters all across the globe. Every single one of us is divine, is a gift from God, and deserves to radiate with that knowledge. Show someone how. Love yourself, love your friends, love your family. Let’s glow in the dark.

Fear Beckons, but Spirit has Arrived

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 18:39:51 GMT

On ever deepening journeys within

I find myself moving in ever deeper cycles of acceptance. Accept, release, become. Burrowing deeper into the infinite, within, this body, this life, these people, this planet. Ascension a mountain peak at the base of my pelvis, down, down I go.

Fear was my primary guide for decades. Blinding alleys of pain, running forever, outrunning the chill, the cold grip of knowing I was lost. Completely and utterly lost to myself. I had no god, no one who knew my real name. My real being. I lived life terrified.

I didn’t know how to pursue myself relentlessly. How to take risks on my personhood. The comfort was in conforming. The comfort was in being predictable in a society that loves a heuristic. A quick blurb. An identifiable archetype.

Fear is a different flavor these days. Beckons me differently. Threatens to destabilize this beautiful world I’ve built, these new knowings, these loves and longings of spirit. Wants me to produce something already so I can capitalize on this recently formed identity. Who am I when I’m not profitable?

Giving fear over to God is so new. I often still forget that my real work here is to forgive. To bring all of my inner beingness to a state of peace. Peace so that I can share peace, be peace in the world. Peace so that the love we are, the love this all is can shine truly and be a beacon to those who feel lost. Lost like I did.

I am still adjusting to doing what is best, healthiest for my spirit. To taking action contrary to everything I’ve known so that I can move forward, past these pitfalls of ego and self loathing. So that fear is no longer my ambassador, my face in this world. Writing when I feel like hiding, sleeping. Opening up spaces within when I want to contract, let shame and darkness claim my still whispering secrets.

But I am not here to be pretty. To be predictable. To be easy to like or to understand. I am here to shine light. I am here to follow truth. I am here to expand, and to know myself on new frontiers so that others may do the same. This plane of existence is a grand game, an experiment, and to stay stagnant when the opportunity to play, to learn is at hand. I just can’t anymore.

Fear romanced me into dark corners for decades of my life. It is hard to share this without some measure of sadness, but at the same time, if I am to forgive, if I am to be peace, I must also recognize that this was my path. Those decades forged deep gorges in me that I now fill with love and light and a knowing. A knowing that we are on the way to embracing our own divinity. A knowing that we are all we’ve ever needed, and we’re already here.

A Spine Tingling Tale

Thu, 10 Oct 2024 18:22:55 GMT

for spooky season

At some point along the way, I lost my wings. It’s such a clear knowing in me, but I’ve no reference point, no specific past life experience to point to. Just pain where my wings would be…

I found out I had scoliosis in middle school, so we’ll say age 11. I remember the vague notion that chiropractors were quacks (I have been consistently in chiropractic care for 3 years now and would recommend it to anyone) and the idea of wearing a back brace, and not much else. No treatment plan, and no real prognosis on what would happen if nothing was done. Just a vague dis-ease about my bodily integrity and an offhand comment by the doctor about how it was probably just due to my last growth spurt. Case closed.

In my early 20s, stressed, overwhelmed and in despair I began to experience mobility issues. Painful twinges in my back, neck and shoulders or I’d just wake up and not be able to turn my head side to side without excruciating pain. I’d have back spasms and chronic pain. I wasn’t sure what to do about it, and I think my early experience imprinted on me that there was nothing TO be done. So I never sought care, never even told a primary doctor unless it was keeping me from work because I just assumed they’d stick me on drugs for it.

At this point, age 38, I’m deep into back care (chiropractic, consistent mobility exercise) and deeply into my spiritual awakening. Now, my back burns. Like there is a small fire right beneath my neck, like one of the discs there is glowing hot. Sometimes when the pain is really intense it feels more like touching dry ice, such an intense cold burning pain.

I’m also healing my nervous system. Walking my nervous system through what it feels like to rely on safety as a constant, to expect good things, not pain, and to read the intense energy inside as symptoms of old issues, not predictions of what’s to come. It’s terrifying. I’ll sit and meditate, opening myself up to really observing the pain inside and waves of grief and abject fear will come rolling over me. And like a lighthouse in a storm I just have to keep connecting to God, connecting to Truth, that love is really all there is, and that just because those things happened, doesn’t mean they’ll happen again.

I’m torn between maxims to replace my old fear based dialogues. I started with, “The brighter I shine, the better it gets.” Then I added, “My authenticity is my freedom” with a side dish of “Freedom = money = love.” And I hold onto them as the waves crash.

I did this same meditative exercise last night and could actually feel the muscles in my back relax and my shoulders rest, could hear and feel my spine pop, crack and realign right where it hurts the most. I’m healing. It’s terrifying to hold onto because I’d be devastated if I was wrong, if God left me behind. But God never would. I leave myself behind when I hold onto beliefs that dissect rather than unify me with God and all beings.

I will heal because this world needs healing and the only place I know to start is inside. I will heal because my healing will positively ripple out to my loved ones, and their loved ones, and that’s more than I could have even hoped for. I will heal because I dream of it. Because I love the feeling of a healed body. It fills me with a joy, a giddiness, a freedom I’ve longed for. I will heal because I want to prove that we’re all capable of this. We all deserve healing. Love. Peace. Belonging. I feel compelled to live that truth. And then, once I’m on the other side, I’ll build a bridge for all of us.

Astrology Basics

Mon, 07 Oct 2024 16:24:44 GMT

A brief exploration of the wide world of astrology

Astrology has many different layers to it, which is why I remain so drawn in, but why so many can feel overwhelmed by the topic. To assist, I've created an Astrology Basics post (below) as well as the same information in a file you can download so that you can feel more grounded in the primary essence of this incredible field.

Basic Astrological Principals

Cyclicality – While eternity is the capital T Truth of things, in the intervening stages of time, cyclicality rules. The astrology chart, a circle, shows that every month, every season winds around and around. We will have another Scorpio season, another new moon in Aries, another round of eclipses and so on. But, rather than being a “flat circle” as Rust Cohle supposes in True Detective Season 1 (can I get a hell yeah?!) it’s better envisioned as a spiral. Every full journey brings us onto the next loop of that spiral, to repeat the same energetic themes. However, while things are cyclical, that is not to say that every Pisces season is the same. The position of the outer and inner planets, asteroids, other points of interest make every moment a unique one, astrologically.

Dynamism – Unlike other systems of personal understanding, astrology doesn’t allow you to stay static for even a second. You’re not just an INFJ or an Enneagram 1, you’re born under a particular planetary configuration and then those planets and stars just keep right on moving. As a result, while your natal chart remains the same, the conversation the universe is having with you is always shifting, morphing, allowing for deeper understandings and even opportunities to revisit areas of life, again and again.

Archetypes – The planets and the energy of the astrological signs are archetypal. Archetypes are defined as a pattern of behavior or the fundamental characteristics of something. I think of them as base energetic building blocks, that when combined in different forms can create every story ever written. When you combine the archetype of Venus with the archetype of Scorpio and then throw in a few aspects, you create a unique energetic signature that hums inside. When you know which threads your tapestry was woven with, it’s much easier to inhabit yourself and your life.

Aspects – These are the conversations the planets are having amongst themselves. These conversations can be jovial, adversarial, or neutral. These inner dialogues are always alive in you and can tell you a great deal about the themes and recurring patterns you experience in life. It also tells you which planets have the most affect on one another, for example, if you have Mars square to your Sun, other aspects Mars and the Sun make to each other throughout the year will have a greater impact on you. For example, when Mars crosses over your sun or when Mars is in opposition or sextile. This will help you home in on which conversations of the moving sky are most relevant to you.

Elements – In Western astrology, the elements are fourfold: Earth, Air, Water and Fire. Each element has its own needs and correspondences. Within each element there are three signs, creating the 12 astrological signs of the zodiac.

Air : Analyzes, connects, synthesizes
Water : Feels, evolves, intuits
Fire : Asserts, purifies, creates
Earth : Grounds, manages, builds

Luminaries and Planets

Sun – Sanity meter, centerpiece, orbital glue, the light that shines over your kingdom, consciousness
Moon – Heart, the ebb and flow of emotions, your first form, what makes you tick, unconscious
Mercury – Mind, inner dialogue, synthesizer, weaver of worlds, comms director, practical skills
Venus – Your feeling set point, values, sense of beauty, what you attract, how you love
Mars – Strategy, drive, what gets you out of bed each day, where your ambition leads
Jupiter – Gift giver, faith leader, the fun lessons of life, where you are protected, expander
Saturn – Limits, the hard lessons of life, where you are dedicated and methodical, the restrictions you must integrate and overcome to succeed
Uranus – Revolution and uprising, sudden change, uncovering new truths, new paths for progress, the unconventional, the path less traveled
Neptune – Dreamy and veiled, deals in illusions, can obscure facts and prefer fantasy, embodiment of divine love, realms beyond the known
Pluto – Transformation, death and rebirth, a ransacking and complete undoing that has the potential to inspire growth and lead to healthier outcomes

Points of Interest

Ascendant – Your starting point, not only the avatar you incarnated in and ruler of first impressions but also where you begin all new processes, your season of rebirth
Chiron – Wounded healer, the wound you can work through in this lifetime but never leave behind, where you are meant to teach and guide others to healing, something you instinctively protect
Black Moon Lilith – Repressed feminine, where your instincts feel caged, the taboo desires you dare not share with anyone, the power to lure and vanquish, often unconscious and more hidden than Chiron
North Node – Your personal trajectory, exploring and ultimately developing mastery in this energy and area of life is the fastest path to your soul’s true destiny
South Node – Your comfort area, your karmic baggage, the skills and understandings you have a soul-level PhD in, a place your energy can get stuck if you’re not consciously evolving

Houses

Just as there are 12 zodiac signs there are 12 houses. Using these in tandem, you know both the psychological lens (sign) and area of life (house) where all the astrological energy takes place.

1 ^st House – Avatar, incarnation, physical appearance, early environment, self-awareness, how you’re perceived initially
2 ^nd House – Value and resources, what matters to you, what you work toward, your physical possessions and how you earn money
3 ^rd House – Communication, early learning, thinking patterns, siblings, reading and writing
4 ^th House – Home, family, your ancestors and the legacies you’re born into, the foundation of your chart and thus base of your consciousness
5 ^th House – Creativity, passion, children, play, short term love and trysts, pleasure, self expression, drama
6 ^th House – Daily work, your health and healthcare routine, chores, pets and livestock, service to others, your relationship with time, exercise
7 ^th House – Committed relationships, 1-1 relationships with others (to include spouses, best friends, and enemies), cooperation and sharing
8 ^th House – Death, sex, other people’s money (inheritances, etc), joint resources, occult studies, regeneration, taxes
9 ^th House – Higher education, philosophy, faith and religions, global affairs, legal matters, ethics and morals, the house of big ideas, house of meaning
10 ^th House – Career, public face, your reputation, the legacy you leave behind, lasting structures and processes, honor, social status
11 ^th House – Large groups and community, the future, innovation, liberty, humanitarian interests, memberships
12 ^th House – Collective unconscious, secrets, institutions, karmic patterns, mental illness, self-deception, escapism, self sacrifice, grief, tribulations, spiritual realizations

Signs

Aries (ruler: Mars) – Leader, what you see is what you get, spark of life, comfortable in conflict, few reservations about life, a pioneer
Taurus (ruler: Venus) – Dependable, hard-working, stubborn, able to enjoy the luxuries and niceties of life, appreciator of beauty and the sensual
Gemini (ruler: Mercury) – Chatterbox, curious, avid explorer of media, adaptable to all social settings, prefers practical knowledge
Cancer (ruler: Moon) – Moods move with the moon, private, nurturing, soft on the inside, loving spirit, ambitious, gentle, fiercely protective
Leo (ruler: Sun) – Charming, warm, sociable, enjoyer of limelight, playful, exaggerators, dramatic, courageous, leaders, natural administrators
Virgo (ruler: Mercury) – Precise, analytical, service-oriented, process guru, thoughtful and attentive, straightforward, hilarious, ability to simplify and organize
Libra (ruler: Venus) – Diplomatic, graceful, aesthetically tuned in, easily able to understand two sides, advocate for justice, relationship oriented
Scorpio (ruler: Mars) – Secretive, deep emotional currents, driven by what’s underneath and hidden, fiercely loyal, strong, unbreakable will
Sagittarius (ruler: Jupiter) – Philosopher, world-traveler and cultural maven, prefers lived experience to textbook knowledge, interested in faith and spirituality
Capricorn (ruler: Saturn) – Prone to tradition, ambitious, thorough and relentless, motivated by achievements in public life, do it right or don’t do it at all
Aquarius (ruler: Saturn) – Inventive, drawn to community, progress oriented, future thinkers, intellectual, detached, learns the rules to break them
Pisces (ruler: Jupiter) – Loving, wise, seer of great truths, tuned into humanity’s oneness, affectionate, poetic, come alive in more dreamy, less linear spaces

Body Reclamation

Mon, 30 Sep 2024 16:46:16 GMT

Your body is a portal to so much love

Staying numb to the present was a constant coping mechanism of mine for decades. There’s many ways to do that, but my most consistent flavor was disassociation into my mental landscape – my “faraway place” – where I was constantly analyzing my choices, trying to stave off future catastrophes and generally reviewing everything in my life with a critical, judgmental eye.

Often, I’d get rewarded monetarily and with praise for such absence of presence. Bosses loved that I reworked and perfected my projects, and praised the intentionality with which I conducted myself. Meanwhile I was having panic attacks and would clumsily drop things, run into doorframes and take 5 trips to do a single task because I was never truly present for any of it. Physical life, my body, my heartbeat, my breath, was all so far away.

The distance I placed between myself and what was happening within and around me at any given moment was protection from acute grief, fear and paralysis. I knew I couldn’t let myself dissolve into a puddle because I had bills to pay and people counting on me. The only way I could maintain the hustle was to spend 70% of my energy being somewhere else at any given time.

The effects of this were pronounced:

Multiple illnesses, hospitalization, strange pains, limited mobility
Constant fatigue and exhaustion, needing more and more caffeine to function
Surface level relationships, often feeling unseen and misunderstood, losing myself in every new person, not being able to consistently show up for loved ones
Internal gridlock, the inability to take action on what meant the most to me, and eventually to even know what I wanted

As I’m coming back into my body, slowly, intentionally, I can sometimes pick up on this rich, vibrant center in me. As I tune into my senses, listen with love for the sound of leaves rustling, witness the exquisite beauty of sunrise in fall and truly stop to savor homemade pumpkin butter, it’s like there’s this warm, shining light coming from my center. A line that runs from my crown down to my toes and just vibrates with the most loving light.

If you are just now coming to terms with your own ways of numbing and hiding from presence, I want to offer a few suggestions for ways to come back:

Set a timer for 5 minutes, close your eyes and focus on the sounds you hear around you. Stay with the vibration, the sensation of hearing for as long as you can, even sensing as vibrations disappear into stillness. For busy minds that want mantras, something straightforward like “I hear, I hear, I hear” may help you stay longer.
Check YouTube for free somatic exercises online. There’s such beautiful content and in as little as 10 or 15 minutes you can release emotions trapped inside your gorgeous body. I love adding a blanket, pillow and stuffie to make it especially cozy when I’m done (also useful if you need to have a good cry once you finish!)
Run your fingers down your cheeks, like you’re stroking the face of a newborn. Gently, lovingly, with the sole intention (soul intention, anyone?) to be love. To share and feel and receive love. Caress your own skin and let yourself feel cared for.

My love to you.

Time Freedom

Thu, 26 Sep 2024 17:45:34 GMT

On using time for nourishment

I’ve wanted my autonomy my entire life. Which is not to say I haven’t also wanted approval, belonging, and other co-responsive relationships and states of being. But the ability to prioritize life for myself, and to decide what needed doing and in what order meant a lot to me. I would think it means a lot to all of us.

I’ve had various bouts of time freedom, for better or worse over the last five years. In some cases, it was relocation and joblessness, in one case, it was me taking an extended break from paid work to recover from being chronically unwell, overworked and burnt out. With depression and bed rot nipping at my heels, I just took a break.

None of those breaks felt particularly restful, though I can see now that elements restorative elements were baked into each of them. But I was so damn worried about not having purpose in the world, not earning money to feed, clothe and shelter myself and then what everyone else was going to think about my meandering journey through the world, I couldn’t really rest. I was never at rest. Even when not moving, not working, internally I was flailing around, lost.

It's been a year since I started a nervous system regulation course that has changed my life, and shortly before that, I was able to land a job that gave me significant time freedom, working from home. These co-occurring conditions really allowed things to shift for me. On the one hand, I was being immersed in practices that were challenging my perfectionism, analysis paralysis, constant states of anxiety and overpreparation (honestly I should just call it what it is…OCD), and on the other, I was being paid very well to do work I knew how to do.

It’s been more recently that I’ve been able to really trust that this is real. That I’m allowed to lean into having a job that pays well, that allows me to make my own schedule, and that even allows me to begin my own business on the side. That I’m allowed to take pride in joy in that, and on top of it, use my free time to support my family and myself as I see fit. The autonomy I’ve been searching for since I was little.

And now that I’m affirming for myself that I can, and in fact do, have nice things, I’m really leaning into it. Making pumpkin butter from scratch because I crave it and I want to know what it tastes like when its fresh. Roasting squash seeds because when they are crunchy and spicy and salty it’s like heaven in a handful. Taking time to nap, to beautify my home, to keep up with my plants and even play with my pets.

It would be easy for me to lapse into feeling that this is self-indulgent, and I should be ashamed because so many people would kill to have this level of flexibility and freedom. But instead, I’d really love to make something of this time. I’d love to use it to give back. And despite all my internal instincts for control, predictability and doing what other people expect, I’d love to nourish myself and my loved ones so significantly, that the benefits of this change of life ripple out. I’m tired of living in states of scarcity, believing that’s all I’ve ever have to look forward to, and then making that true even when I have the opportunity to do something different.

I am ready to be the healthy, nourished person my community can rely on, who gives back because her cup is overflowing and there’s nothing else I’d rather do. So here’s to everything I have, to everything I’m building in myself, and to all that I’ll be able to pour into this world as a result. I love you.

Footnote: The nervous system regulation course was Manifest Miracles by Kaitie Childs and I cannot recommend it enough. I don't get paid for saying this - it just really changed my life and I'd be remiss to not mention it and her on a post about nourishing yourself.

Context for "the work"

Sun, 18 Aug 2024 16:13:37 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

In a world starved for pleasure, we sigh with majesty.

In a world starved for freedom, we choose our becoming.

In a world starved for wisdom, we go inward.

My contexts have had different dimensions. Different aspects. My family was small, insular, emotional and yet no wiser for it. My community was small, insular, beautiful, and yet no happier for it. My world was fractured, insular, vast and yet no freer for it.

Work was a context. Scrappy. Giving. Not-for-profit. In opposition to an unkind world and a product of it. I’ve known beautiful people through the work I did in service to someone else’s vision.

I was successful in my executions of those visions. It was exhausting most of the time and unnerving some of the time. It was a great deal of finding ways to feel aligned with something I didn’t fully agree with or want to maintain. But, I chose people. In a world fascinated with money and power I chose people. That was enough, for a while.

Can the ends justify the means? I never thought so. Intention, focus, clarity. We hunger to see, to choose.

The context for the work I was doing never seemed to align with the goals. We were tired in service to those who need rest. Ailing in service to those with generational pain. Lonely in service to those who need love.

For what? To build a world without labor that tires your soul? I’m not sure how those visions justified use of the very conditions we hoped to displace. The pain I was in so that we might have a world without suffering seemed an odd concession.

It’s taken a great deal of unraveling to find the part of me that knew I could go it alone. Not forever, but to begin. It’s taken a great deal of time to remake my context, from scratch. To part with what no longer served, create vacant spaces for joy to take root and trust myself and the universe to do our work.

And so now I can stand before you and proudly say, I am the context for this work. My spirit, my energetic through lines, my love.

Welcome to Magic is the Medium.